I clicked Submit

I finished my medical school application last night. I reviewed it for the bazillionth time and actually submitted it. Crazy. Just crazy. The waiting game begins…

I enjoyed some homemade margharita pizza (basil, mozzarella, and tomato pizza) and popped some champagne. Yes, champagne. One of the doctors I work with had given me some after I took the MCAT the first time, and I hadn’t popped it yet. Sooo, yesterday I definitely enjoyed some fizzy beverage, in my pajamas. Felt great. Felt blessed.

But I realized after I sent it in that this is all just the beginning. This process means so much to me, but is also very insignificant in the whole medical school expedition I’m currently on. It could be that no one even looks at the information that I have been working on for the past 9 months. NO ONE. Because the schools have already chosen who they want, and I am too late or just too far down in the pile.

I could let all of that bug me, but I knew the arbitrary judgment was a part of applying
and I wanted to do it anyways. So don’t let me whine. Ever.

One more thing… I clicked Submit to Christ yesterday, too. That is what really drove home the feeling of relief I experienced. None of this ‘choosing’ process was or is ever going to be in my hands. I cannot work on the application anymore. I cannot change what I have written, even if I’ve made typos or should have said this or that. It is in Jesus’ awesome hands. I’ve submitted my future into His hands.

Humbling stuff, dude. Insanely humbling. And I am just so glad to have support from my family and friends to keep going. Because this really could all lead to nothing. Ha. God might not want me to try and be a doctor. He might want me to do something else entirely! But that is what keeps me humble. Keeps my trust in Him, because I never know what the heck I’m doing, but He does. ;)

So, cheers to Friday! And cheers to everyone who has supported me and dealt with my
crabby/stressed self at times! Woo hoo!

I owe you all lots of cookies and sunshine and rainbows.

Happy

I took the MCAT again today. I felt pretty horrible afterwards. Disgruntled, because I thought it would have been easier. Sad, because I thought I did worse then last time. Then I called my parents.

How can it be that they can talk you through anything? How do they know what to say? When you feel like everything is just a pile of poo, they can say a few words to turn it back around. They lead you to realize the truth and help you find peace again. 

It just boggles my mind. I want their intuition. I want their all-knowing hearts. Their experience repeatedly trumps mine because they have so much more ground gained ahead of me. Their willingness to listen and offer reassurance that things will be ok is just tremendous.

My parents are awesome. They comfort and love and give of themselves for me, regardless of how I behave in return. They support and guide and help, even when I don't deserve any of those things.

To do all of that, with minimal thanks sometimes in return, is unfathomable. 

I have so much more growing up to do. But soooo glad I have two amazing people to help me along the way.

Love you, my parents. Thanks for putting up with a crazy girl trying to do crazy things. 

Procrastinating

I am having a hard time finishing my personal statement. It is driving me nuts. I want to chuck my computer out of the window and say good riddance.

Seriously, I have a nice computer. There is no reason I should chuck it.

Oh my goodness. WHINE. I am whining. UGH.

I want to put together something that is compelling. Something that will stand out and make the admissions council think to themselves, "I WANT TO TALK TO THIS WOMAN". (yes, just like that)

But I am not finding the right words. Believe me, I have found many other words to insert into the end of my statement like, "pick me", "I'm not stupid, I swear", and "you know you really want my money" but none of these phrases have the correct tone I am looking for...

So what do I do? How can I put into words the true meaning of why I want to practice medicine? It entangles so much more of my soul then simple words. There are big time emotions going on inside. "I love science" or "I want to help people" just doesn't cut it.

Oh geez.WHINE. whining.

I choose to procrastinate and blog instead. Yes, I am sure whining to the public will help immensely...

Happy Saturday to everyone else who is currently sitting on the couch

Gatherings

Family gatherings are weird and awkward. Always. You cannot hide from your great aunt Bertha. She will find you. As well as your great uncle Bob. They will both proceed to ask you what you are doing with your life. Multiple times. 

Oh my. How I just want to flee extended family gatherings, sometimes. The "I'm going to sit in this chair and watch people" card usually gets played on my end... 

It's just that phase of life I'm in, I guess. Not married, not in school, and working a job that no one has heard of... Oh joy. The awkward life phase. I would not trade it, for I am learning more and more about myself everyday, but it doesn't lend itself towards fun and exciting relative-engaging conversation. 

I would really just like to be watching the Olympics. All the time. 

But I love my family. I do! Really, I do! It's just when your 20 year old cousin gets married and all of the cousins have to get together to take a picture and you realize you're the oldest and the last time you saw some of them, they were in diapers... You might just then wonder, "What am I DOING here?"

Oh well.

I'll just keep looking ahead to maybe less-awkward conversations some time in the future...

Cheers to Saturday, everyone!