The morning after...

So this weekend... I hung out in the woods for a while and ran around a bit... 32 miles later, I finished a task that to me had always seemed rather impossible.

Well, hello there ultramarathon! It's nice to meet you...

I honestly had no idea what I was getting myself into. When a good friend of mine said that we should do the Wild Duluth 50k together, I immediately said, "WOOOO! Yes please!" and then sort of forgot about it because I was really just going along with the insane idea during the car ride. Ha.

But of course, the thought stuck with me. What would it be like? The Hercules "Go the Distance" song came to mind- "I can go the distance, I don't care how far, somehow I'll be strong. I know every mile will be worth my while"...

STOP.

REMIX.

Around mile 28 it went something like:

"WHO'S IDEA WAS THIS?!!!!!!!!????" and

"THIS IS BY FAR THE STUPIDEST THING YOU HAVE EVER TRIED TO DO. EVER!!!"

Needless to say, my body was desperate to stop. No more cookies, peanut butter sandwiches, grapes or Mountain Lightning (yes, this is a trail race, Mountain Dew is too 'high class') were going to make me feel like going any farther. Bless my crew-woman, "Just a 5k, Andrea, all you have left is a little more then a 5k". And I'm completely thinking, "5K MY ASS" "I don't want to run anymore, who wants to run anymore?"

But I couldn't stop. I had to finish. I was not about to let 5 and a half hours of trail running go down the tubes...

OH, BUT IT HURT SO BAD

Somehow, I chugged a little more Mountain Lightning (barf, but it was the 'nectar of the gods' on Sat.) and waddled up to Enger Tower, because it was all down-hill from there...

One would think down-hill would be great by then! WOOO HOOO. Rollll it down-hill! Heck yes!

Ah, not so much. It felt more like stabbing knives in my quads. Or like a 3 year old pushing really hard on a purple bruise on your leg and laughing because it makes you double over in pain. Yeah, something like that.

But I made it. Stumbled down the hill and crossed the finish line in Bayfront. I had two great friends there to congratulate me on finishing. No huge throngs of people. No loud cheering. Just a few happy faces and the volunteers for Bentleyville watching on with crazed looks on their faces...

And the joy of running became completely apparent as I woke up on Sunday and couldn't move.

Literally. Looked from side to side as I'm face down in my pillow and thought to myself, "I can't get up" Like the movie "The Christmas Story" where the younger brother is wrapped up in 3 snow-suits and can't put his arms down and when he gets outside, he falls over and is rolling all over the ground and yelling to Ralphie, "I can't get up!! Ralphie, I can't get up!" Yeah. Something like that...

Suits me right. I kind of asked for it...

I just love running

Cheers!

Go do something you've never done and be happy about it

Real Food

I have been reading the book “In Defense of Food” by Michael Pollan. It is quite awesome and if you ever get the chance to read it, please do. I think you will find yourself enlightened.

I did at least.

It is all about how our food has become processed to the point of not being ‘food’ anymore, but rather ‘food products’ because of the added ingredients coming from mostly corn and soybeans.

Sad. And gross.

It makes me want to flee the city, buy a small house with lots of acres, run my own organic farm, and live off the grid in happy-contented-hippie solitude.

Yeah, I know. The hippie thing. I need to let it go. But I just don’t want to. My idea of hippiedom does not involve any growing of a certain plant associated with that era. I do like long skirts, basically because they feel like pajamas, and I will occasionally flash a peace sign to strangers who honk their horn at me while I’m running.

The real reason why I have an internal desire to be a hippie is because I associate it in my mind to some sort of living freedom. Freedom from the confines of my lame cubicle walls, lame desk job, and everything else related to working for a huge conglomerate corporation that is slowly sucking the life out of me. 

Yep. Living on a farm sustaining myself with nature sounds WAY BETTER!

So, I leave you with this:

‘Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.’

I feel our entire nation would be happier if we at least tried to abide by those rules.

Cheers to Friday! May your weekend be filled with some epic version of good, nurturing, soul food. 

Pace

Let it be known that I love Mumford and Sons. I would gladly feed their pet dogs or turtles (if they have any) in exchange for hearing them play live. Yes. I would. Don’t judge me.

As it so happens, their new album came out last week and I have been listening to it constantly since Sept. 25th when I received it in the mail, at work, because I pre-ordered it that way. Again, I love Mumford and Sons.

Because I've been listening to it straight for the last week, all of the songs are on repeat in my brain whenever I am not listening to them. The only time this occurs is when I am running, because I like listening to nature when I run. Well, nature sounds have taken refuge for a different day in the future when the Mumford songs in my head have taken a break. (who knows when that will be) Anyways, I digress. The moral of my story is that whatever I have been doing for the past week has been done while Mumford is blasting loudly in my ears with our without headphones.

Yesterday was no different. Every Wednesday for a few weeks in the fall, there are trail races that take place all over Duluth. You pay $1 and run a race, ranging from 3 miles to upwards of 6 miles. THIS IS THE BEST USE OF YOUR MONEY IN DULUTH. In my opinion, at least. :) And so, being that it was Wednesday yesterday, I got to run in the woods with friends and at the same time, have Mumford on repeat.

The race was in a little nature area by the UMD campus. One that has forever been used for 5k’s promoting spring and fall health to the many college students. I’ve ran the course a few other times. It has usually kicked my behind because they make you run 2 laps in this nature area while scaling the same mountain hill, twice. I don’t like running laps, because what usually happens to me is that I blast through the first lap, and die a slow running death during the second lap. Yeah. Painful.

Except that last night was different. I had just finished a ridiculously stupid day at work and had a bit of pent-up energy. I bicycled to the race, was good and warm, had an amazing cheering section there for me, and took off when they said ‘go’. I didn’t think about the lame hills ahead. I just paced myself to what felt good. I paced myself to the music of Mumford. And when I was racing up the mountain hill (twice) and all the blood was running to other parts of my body, which left me deaf in one ear, (yes, really, I lose hearing in my right ear when I’m running as hard as I can) I made it to the top without stopping. Because I was pacing to the beautiful music of Mumford. Bless them.

I hope all of you have a band that makes you just as happy. If you don’t, start listening to Mumford. They will make your heart happy.

I promise.

Really, go now, and check out their new album. Especially tracks 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11 and 12.

Cheers!

Today

When I first took my job, I vowed to never become de-sensitized. I did not want to lose perspective on what I thought was meaningful or difficult for someone else.

I work in a cancer department.

How naïve can I get??!!!

Yes, I guess I have become a bit de-sensitized. It is the only way to continue living without sobbing in my cubicle every day. I do not want to lose myself in the midst of crazy, heart-wrenching tragedy that sweeps through the office every day. It hurts too much to bear the load of other patients and families grief, much less my own.

Because life is not fair. This truth is made evident to me when a patient of only 20 years passes away in his sleep because the cancer infesting his body was too strong. Jesus took him home, where he definitely belonged. And then right in my cube, I broke down as I started to think about the family who had just lost someone. A family who is so happy to have their son home with Jesus, but so devastated because it means they have to live without him. That pain is too close to my heart. I want to wrap them all up in a blanket of peace, for that is what I always wished for when I was young.

Peace from the pain.

It is a stop-you-in-your-tracks kind of moment. Where else can you be reminded of the fleeting days of this earthly life so regularly? Please, someone else give me an example…

I know, I’m getting too deep. A little dark, perhaps.

I just have to write it out. Put these feelings into space because they are too much for me to carry alone in my heart. Jesus wants us to look to Him for strength and guidance during these times of tragedy and still during times of happy pleasure. 

Well, today is an icky one. And I am looking to Him to get me through again until tomorrow, when the light will rise up from over the lake and shed a beautiful new day upon my soul.

Cheers to those already with Jesus! 

Humming...

My weekend supremely trumped last weekend by a bajillion.

I finally got into the woods! HECK YES! (I know, I’m sure everyone is sick of hearing me talk about my beloved woods… too bad…) And it was absolutely gorgeous. Sunshine. Colorful trees. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Hammock. Stars.

Ahhh, the luxurious-ness of being away from people.

So, what does one do in the woods by themselves?

Well…

I hiked about 19 miles on Saturday. I just kept moving. I didn’t really want to stop. It was like my body’s way of releasing so much tension from the past couple months and the only way to satisfy the craving for relaxation was… more hiking! (ba dum…chink!) And the only way to keep myself from getting spooked was just to exhaust myself to the point of collapsing at the end of the day so I wouldn’t worry about being mauled by a large beastly animal. This is very much a true statement.

And what do I think about with that much ‘me’ time?

This is the cool part.

Everything and nothing. First, random life-happenings start shooting through my brain, (my worries and cares of my life and the people I love) but I acknowledge each thought and throw it out of my head. Really. That is what happens. It’s a funneling process of de-bulking the heavy load of regular life from my mind, not forgetting about it, but dealing with each item and letting them go.

When everything channels through, (it doesn’t take as long as you think) that is when the humming starts. The real beautiful music of the woods. You can hear SO much stuff! By letting go of those intermittent real life thoughts, nothing clogs the beautiful music of nature. It’s incredible. I know I sound like a hippie-dippie-tree-hugger… but it’s so true.

It’s when I feel most connected to what God is really asking of me here on earth. I cannot change what goes on in my life from day to day nor can I change other people’s lives from day to day. And when I finally get myself into the trees, and release the tension of what I am trying to fix on my own, I get the best sense of ‘giving it up’ to Him. For He is the one who has my best interests in mind with every decision that is made.

Pretty sweet, right?

That is why I love the woods. They always bring me back to Jesus. 

Rain trek

My itch to engorge myself in the wooded bliss of the north shore has been present since early this summer. I finally had the chance to fill up my pack with goodies, my sleeping bag, and my hammock and high-tail it into the woods after so many weekends of... not.

During my ride up the shore, I know this sounds extremely cheesy, but I, in all meaning of the phrase, 'let my hair down'. In all honesty, my forehead relaxed and I was laughing to myself in delight because of the shear amount of relief I was feeling. The sun was coming up over the lake and it was so beautiful. I was ridiculously pumped to grab my pack and fly right into glorious nature.

The minute I parked at one of the trail parking lots, I picked up my bag and set off with dreams of happy trails and hammock reading and oatmeal eating in the cool morning and the smells of all that is good in nature.

Fifteen minutes later, with visions of trees dancing around in my head...

It started pouring.

And continued to pour for the next two hours...

Oh my goodness I was so sad. I was getting completely soaked and the only thing I could think about was how I wanted to continue hiking for the next 8 hours.

Hmmm, then I got to a clearing and looked over the trees to see a massive array of grey clouds. Not helping.

That is when I actually started thinking about what I wanted to do. Keep blazing ahead and magically make the rain stop? And then at the end of the day, string up my hammock in the rain and die of hypothermia? Or... turn back now and drive back home in the rain and... live.

I chose the latter. Obviously.

Although I didn't get to satisfy my true desires of relishing in the goodness of God's beautiful creation for the majority of my weekend, I still got to enjoy a four hour hike in the woods. Better then nothing.

Some day I will be a swift, hunter/gatherer living deep within the wooded lands of the north and I will pop out on occasion to get things like... toilet paper...

I can only dream for now.

Until then, cheers to the rains not finding you! ;)

I clicked Submit

I finished my medical school application last night. I reviewed it for the bazillionth time and actually submitted it. Crazy. Just crazy. The waiting game begins…

I enjoyed some homemade margharita pizza (basil, mozzarella, and tomato pizza) and popped some champagne. Yes, champagne. One of the doctors I work with had given me some after I took the MCAT the first time, and I hadn’t popped it yet. Sooo, yesterday I definitely enjoyed some fizzy beverage, in my pajamas. Felt great. Felt blessed.

But I realized after I sent it in that this is all just the beginning. This process means so much to me, but is also very insignificant in the whole medical school expedition I’m currently on. It could be that no one even looks at the information that I have been working on for the past 9 months. NO ONE. Because the schools have already chosen who they want, and I am too late or just too far down in the pile.

I could let all of that bug me, but I knew the arbitrary judgment was a part of applying
and I wanted to do it anyways. So don’t let me whine. Ever.

One more thing… I clicked Submit to Christ yesterday, too. That is what really drove home the feeling of relief I experienced. None of this ‘choosing’ process was or is ever going to be in my hands. I cannot work on the application anymore. I cannot change what I have written, even if I’ve made typos or should have said this or that. It is in Jesus’ awesome hands. I’ve submitted my future into His hands.

Humbling stuff, dude. Insanely humbling. And I am just so glad to have support from my family and friends to keep going. Because this really could all lead to nothing. Ha. God might not want me to try and be a doctor. He might want me to do something else entirely! But that is what keeps me humble. Keeps my trust in Him, because I never know what the heck I’m doing, but He does. ;)

So, cheers to Friday! And cheers to everyone who has supported me and dealt with my
crabby/stressed self at times! Woo hoo!

I owe you all lots of cookies and sunshine and rainbows.