Today

When I first took my job, I vowed to never become de-sensitized. I did not want to lose perspective on what I thought was meaningful or difficult for someone else.

I work in a cancer department.

How naïve can I get??!!!

Yes, I guess I have become a bit de-sensitized. It is the only way to continue living without sobbing in my cubicle every day. I do not want to lose myself in the midst of crazy, heart-wrenching tragedy that sweeps through the office every day. It hurts too much to bear the load of other patients and families grief, much less my own.

Because life is not fair. This truth is made evident to me when a patient of only 20 years passes away in his sleep because the cancer infesting his body was too strong. Jesus took him home, where he definitely belonged. And then right in my cube, I broke down as I started to think about the family who had just lost someone. A family who is so happy to have their son home with Jesus, but so devastated because it means they have to live without him. That pain is too close to my heart. I want to wrap them all up in a blanket of peace, for that is what I always wished for when I was young.

Peace from the pain.

It is a stop-you-in-your-tracks kind of moment. Where else can you be reminded of the fleeting days of this earthly life so regularly? Please, someone else give me an example…

I know, I’m getting too deep. A little dark, perhaps.

I just have to write it out. Put these feelings into space because they are too much for me to carry alone in my heart. Jesus wants us to look to Him for strength and guidance during these times of tragedy and still during times of happy pleasure. 

Well, today is an icky one. And I am looking to Him to get me through again until tomorrow, when the light will rise up from over the lake and shed a beautiful new day upon my soul.

Cheers to those already with Jesus!