Smelly

When is it ok to just stop and smell the roses? In Duluth, you are not really smelling roses, more like moldy buildings and streets due to the flood last week, but still. You know what I mean. I want to stop and smell the roses.

It’s summertime. This whole studying business is hard, man. I want to be outside running in the woods, going to bonfires, drinking good beer, and laughing. Not to say that I never do any of those things, but I want a vacation.

I think that is it. I just really want a vacation. This whole “work 8-5pm” gig is getting old. And I’ve been doing it a year. Bahaha. The majority of people have been doing it for 30 years. I need to stop whining. It’s just so nice out. There is not 10 feet of snow outside, it is not 30 degrees BELOW zero, and I can calmly walk outside without the urge to break out ski poles. Who ever said being productive in the summer was a good idea????

But it shall pay off, correct? All of this work is not for naught???

Man, let’s hope so.

Ok. To everyone else, go sailing, climb trees, skin your knees, and drink from the hose. I will calmly have my nose in 10 books, wishing you all fair-thee-well!

Cheers to almost Friday!!

Here is my article of the week: http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2012/06/27/decision-day-supreme-court-poised-to-shape-economy-election-with-obamacare/

Perspective

When I got done with work yesterday, I was kind of in a foul mood. I had been micro-
managed at work, and I hate that. Do you want to write an email while someone is
standing directly behind you? Probably not. How about if that person is telling you what
to write in that email. Seriously!? It seems rather inefficient. Go write the email yourself
then. Bah.

Anyways, it would have been so nice to run off that icky-biznass in the cool breeze
outside by the lake… Hmmmm… not so much. One of my muscles on the outside of my
hip and thigh is bugging me. I guess it worked too hard in the race last weekend. So I’m
letting it rest. It’s the right thing to do, but then I’m a crabby-pants instead…

So, I decided to bake. Let’s making something deliciously fattening and heavy laden
with butter and sugar to make me feel better! Yep, that should do the trick… Well, as I’m
whipping up some scones, the recipe decides to be stupid and list an amount of milk that
cannot be correct because I was left with a pile of dry batter that didn’t resemble that of
scones at all. Seriously?? So, I added some more, and worked the “dough” together, and
soon enough all of the nice little chunks of butter that I so very precisely cut into the flour
melted and I was left with a huge, dense, pile of lameness. I almost chucked it into the
garbage. But I let out a scream of exasperation and stomped my foot and proceeded to
make them because, gosh-darn-it, part of this day will go well!

They turned out like bricks.

Tasty, bricks though.

And as I was baking the bricks, I started packing up some of my stuff in my apartment.
Moving day is next weekend. Oh joy. Anyways, as I was fumbling around in my closet,
I came across an envelope. It was a recommendation letter that one of my professors had
written for me. I was going to use it last spring, for applying to a master’s program, and
never used it. However, I never opened the letter. I felt like I would be cheating. Like I
really wasn’t supposed to know what my professors thought of me. But, seeing as how
yesterday was just going so well, I decided to open it.

On a scale of 1 to 5, 5 being excellent, my professor gave me a 3 in Managing Stress. I
was a little bugged at first. What does he mean? That I can’t handle stress? That I buckle
under pressure? It was the last thing I wanted to read on a day like yesterday. But as
I thought about it more, maybe I do stink at managing stress. As referenced above, I
screamed and stomped my foot. Seriously, how old am I, 3 years old??

And it is not asking if I can handle stress. Yes. I can handle stressful situations. But how
do I manage them?

Like a 3 year old. Great.

So, now it’s time to re-evaluate once again. I feel like I’m doing that constantly. How
about baby steps. The next time I’m presented with something stressful, I try NOT to
stomp my foot.

Sound good?

Wow. Good thing it’s Friday. Cheers everyone!

Here is my article. http://www.duluthnewstribune.com/event/article/id/235038/

YAY FOR RUNNING!

Who wants to go for a run with me tomorrow at 5am? Oh yeah! That's right! 6,000 other people want to come along. Super sweet

Yep. Grandma's Marathon weekend has arrived in Duluth. This weekend always makes me laugh. Especially when you go down to the DECC to pick up your race packet. You are bound to see some ridiculously awesome runner people. Like the lady I saw who was picking up every type of energy bar she could find and tossing it back into the pile heartily disgruntled as she exclaimed "Not enough fiber! I need at LEAST 20 grams in one bar!" Her friend came up to her and gave her a pair of glasses, and as she put them on, spontaneously yelled, "Oh. I guess I could do with 10 grams". Bahahaha. What does she want to do? Stop and go number 2 every three miles because she has so much FIBER in her system????? Weird. I kind of oogled her, and kept walking. Some people look like they could kick my butt any day of the week, and others, not so much. You will see people holding hands while each one of them is holding a race packet. Oh for cute. They are running together. You will see people holding hands and pushing strollers and holding race packets. And then I thought to myself, what are they doing with the kids in the strollers while they run the race together? Hmmm... And then you see people who have orange tans and bleach blonde hair and you think, ooooo, you are not from around here... But it is the happiness in everyone's eyes that I can't get over. They are truly pumped to be there. Whether they have run this race 10 times before, or if this is their first time, doesn't matter. The buzz of happy running is in the air.

What makes this race special for me, is the fact that I'm running it for the cancer patients and families who cannot. I have always wanted to contribute to something that is waaay bigger then myself. And I get to do that tomorrow. Sweet. 

So hopefully is doesn't monsoon tomorrow morning while we wait to start. And then become 800 degrees outside and then monsoon again...

Cheers to a happy, run filled weekend!

Here is my article of the week: http://www.cnn.com/2012/06/15/politics/immigration/index.html 

Step Ahead

I’ve talked about this before. Having the urge to continue moving forward, keep looking ahead, because the other option is staying stagnant. I don’t want to become stagnant.

But this moving forward business is driving me nuts. I feel so discombobulated and confused. I want to be a step ahead of where I am. I want to be 4 months down the road, when my life won’t feel so question-mark-ish. The urge to move forward this time is different. It is not to achieve some higher purpose of my life, it’s to move past the ickyness of not knowing. The fear. The fear of not being good enough.

I know that sounds hopeless and sad. I don’t mean it to be that way. It’s the contradictory nature of confidence. It’s there to keep you grounded, to keep you from being over confident. I think that is why God allows it to be there. So we can look to Him for guidance and help instead of wallowing in it and trying to figure everything out on our own.

I feel like I’m delivering the answer to the debate before I’ve even started debating.

So, fear. Why am I so fearful? What is it about this whole med school/career business that is making my heart contract and my lungs feel like they are full of water?

Not being good enough. Preparing as best as I can, writing the best that I can, accumulating evidence to show I am ready as best as I can, and yet being told, “Nope. Too bad. We don’t think you can do it.” From some arbitrary medical school admissions dude, who knows nothing about me except for what he can see on paper. The act of being judged. It makes me feel nauseous.

My brother wants to get a tattoo that says, “Only God Can Judge Me”.

I feel it’s immensely appropriate.

But we don’t have that luxury of freedom without judgment. We live in a world that is not perfect. We are judged every single day. Sometimes based solely on what type of cereal we ate for breakfast, or what shoes we put on before going outside. I mean, come on, who cares…

Yes, really, WHO CARES.

I do. I’m letting the fear of being judged take over before I’ve even began. And I’m realizing that as I’m writing this. Wow. That’s lame.

Sooo, new plan…

Why not prepare as best as I can? Write as best as I can. Accumulate evidence to show I am ready as best as I can be. And leave it up to God to decide if I really am ready or not. For He is the one who gave me the gifts to pursue my dreams in the first place.

Yes. I like this plan. This plan sounds much better.

Cheers to Monday, everyone. May it be happy, for Friday is only 4 days away.

Here is something I am looking forward to: http://basilicablockparty.org/