Hesitate

So, I haven't really been blogging that much lately. I made it a goal last year to blog once a week, and post something related to the news. I pretty much blogged every week, but I only made it til like June posting anything about the news. I got bored after that...

Anyways, since the beginning of this year, I've blogged like 3 times. Who cares, right? Well, I thought so, too. I got busy in January and let the blogging mind slide and kind of left it like that for most of February. I didn't feel compelled to plaster my random thoughts and verbage out there into cyber-space.

But after thinking about it, I stumbled across the real reason why. I was hesitant.

The last year and a half have been a reflection time for myself, a soul-searching, nitty-gritty, come-to-terms-awareness-of-myself sort of thing. It's hard to explain. Mostly, I feel like I'm being really selfish. Selfish now because I didn't take that time to "find myself" during college. I was too busy with my degree and working to pay for it, then to ever let myself think about what I wanted to do with it when it all ended. Yeah... good thing I was getting educated, right???

So, how does this all relate to me and blogging? Well, because blogging has become a way for me to express how I feel about the revolving door that is 'discovering my sense of self'. And when I'm not blogging, I'm not reflecting or working on trying to be a better version of myself.

Ah ha! Yeah. Light bulb for me, too.

That's when I realized I was being hesitant because I was getting worried that maybe other people would think "oh, she just talks about herself all the time... who really cares if she ran in the woods today or discovered that there are actually roses to stop and smell... she's just being really selfish..."

And now I know that is not the case. (well, maybe people do feel like that. ha) But it doesn't matter. This process in growing up, finding ways to love myself, and being true to the One who has brought me to be able to experience the life that I am living, is what matters.

And that is why I will boldly walk this random life, laughing whenever I can, singing at the top of my lungs in the car to Mumford and Sons every morning on my way to work regardless of who sees me, crying when I need to even if it's over something ridiculous, and loving with all of my heart even over the smallest of things.

So, cheers to being yourself every day! Who cares if that sounds lame. :)

Happy almost Friday.